The Zombie Effect

My name’s Alex

…and I like sex. Big surprise there.

But why does it sound like I’m suddenly at an AA meeting?

I live and work in a world where sex seems to be both capitalized and whispered at the same time. “Look out, the SEX is coming!” (pun? maybe.)

We know it’s out there, we’re more than happy to have it ourselves – and be damn proud of it – but dude, don’t talk to me about your sex life, ok?

Seriously. I work in a job where if too much about my sex life or sexual preferences “got out” I could probably be fired. Fast. And never hired in the industry again.

“Sexual deviant. Do not admit.”

What the hell is that?


We’re all happy to be liberal minded, lifestyle supporting, mature adults about sex so long as it’s OUR sex. I can have whatever the hell kind of sex I want, but you, sir, cannot.

Bear with me here for this strange analogy: our society’s fascination about other people’s sex is about the same as it is with zombies. It’s cool, trendy, everyone knows what it is. But it’s not real. And if it is: don’t let it get you and for the love of God don’t pass it on.

When it comes to admitting that most of the rest of the world has sex too, here’s the strange lie society tells itself:

“Of course I’m comfortable with the idea of other people having sex.”

Keep going…

“…so long as we’re talking monogamous guy on girl relationship. Missionary position preferred. Maybe some smooth background jazz.”

Wait for it…

“OH! My bad, I forgot the rest of you who don’t fit into that category in my mind. You, my friends and neighbours, are celibate.”

Ah, truth at last: the judgement is out.

Because what happens when we find out that the people we know don’t fit into this category? For the most part, they’re treated as zombies.

“I used to know you, you look mostly the same except now I know you’re infected with THE SEX. It’s clear that I’m next, you’re coming to get me. Gotta go. And by the way I own a shotgun. Stay away from me and my family.”

I guess no one ever tells you babies can come from being tied down and whipped by a leather clad mistress and loving it.

Or that sex can involve more than two people and not be a fling.

Or that being a guy that doesn’t like sex doesn’t mean you’re gay.

Or that being a girl who does like sex doesn’t make you a whore.

No one ever tells you because for some reason this big ass part of who we are as human beings has been suppressed and made to feel…well, mostly just that we’re doing it wrong.

“What do you mean you’ve slept with that many people? Do you just give it away?”;
“What do you mean you haven’t slept with that many people? Is there something wrong with you?”;
“You like what? Good God, who does that?!”

And so the judgement rages on.

What do you want, society? Clearly not the truth. But here it is:

My name is Alex.
I like women.
I like men.
I love sex.
I watch porn.
I masturbate.
I don’t talk about any of it.
But maybe I should start.

Raise your hand if suddenly you’re trying to figure out if Alex is short for Alexander or Alexandra.

Yeah, I get that.

But what difference does it make to you, really?

I could be your high school geography teacher or your friendly neighbourhood spiderman. But if you knew, would I just be a zombie to you? Careful, now.

When it comes to how society wants to think about OUR sex, how it makes us feel about OUR sex, we’re all in the same boat.

All in the same boat and being very, very careful not to touch one another for fear it’ll turn us on and someone else will notice.

[Contributed by Alex Crane]

Next Article: “I am Not Broken.” >>

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